It’s that time again! Another whole month since I last updated you on my body positivity and my mental health.
So what’s new since my last update
1. I’ve started an exercise plan that I’m sticking to and enjoying.
2. I’ve started tracking meals which is forcing me to make conscious decisions about my food (and also saying f*ck it occasionally since it’s allowed).
3. I’ve started a nutrition and health qualification which has helped me understand what my body needs.
4. I invested in the skinny coffee club – Don’t judge. I had my reasons.
5. I’ve turned pescatarian.
But it hasn’t exactly been plain sailing. It’s been another up and down month. As part of my new exercise programme I decided to treat myself to some new exercise leggings and cropped top. I was on such a high when I bought a size 8 bottom and they actually felt baggy! I’d gotten so used to buying size 10 jeans that this was huge. Then in the same moment I’d be mid HIIT workout disgusted at the fat rolls that would appear mid v-sit or that would hang during other exercises.
I wore a crop top to work and felt great. Then I saw my reflection in a dlr train and literally hated myself. I spent the 10 minute walk home cursing myself for thinking I could do such a thing. All I could think about was how many people must have seen me and thought to themselves “she shouldn’t be wearing a crop top.” Would I have thought the same if I’d seen me? The chances are that nobody thought that, but I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t wait to get out of these clothes and put on a baggy t-shirt and escape those horrible thoughts.
Generally I’ve definitely spent more of this month feeling low about my body and I definitely can’t really recall many highs. It’s been exhausting but I have to say in a lot of other aspects I’ve been on a high. I’m probably the happiest I’ve been in a long time. My health is in the best place it’s been in a while thanks to going back pescatarian and I’m finally having regular scans to get the diagnosis I need. Here’s to hoping I can just work on the body positivity a bit more.
Until next month! Ng x